i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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