yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
