great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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