Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
