foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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