You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
