he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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