I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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