She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
