i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
