I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
