that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
