I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
