Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
