this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
