She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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