at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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