Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
