So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
