my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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