i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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