M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
