Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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