dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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