Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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