I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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