I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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