it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
