pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
