He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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