we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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