she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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