Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
