I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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