I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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