is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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