your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
