I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Panties = found
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
