Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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