dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
