Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize