you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
