Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
