The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
