yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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