I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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