i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
