Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
