please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
