friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
