if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
