he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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