he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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