filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's paint friendship bongs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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