my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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