i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
