just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
