So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
