So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
what is it with giant penises always finding me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
