i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
