what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
