My hand turned me down
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
