i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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