omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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